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Nubwo nta bushakashatsi burakorwa ngo hamenyekane imibare nyayo, muri iyi minsi hakunze kuvugwa ingeso itari nziza yo gucana inyuma mu bashakanye. Akenshi bikunze kuvugwa ko hari abagore bamwe badashishikazwa no gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina n’abo bashakanye kubera ubushake bucye cyangwa se ikibazo cy’uko badashimishwa n’iki gikorwa bitewe n’ibyiyumvo (Emotions) ndetse n’imiterere y’imyanya myibarukiro yabo.

Abagabo batunze bene aba bagore kenshi bakunze guhura n’ikibazo cyo kubura ibyishimo mu muryango ndetse bamwe bagahitamo kwishora mu ngeso zo guheheta ari zo zinabaviramo guharika abo bashakanye cyangwa se bamwe bagatangira kugira irari ribashora mu rubyiruko rw’abana b’abakobwa barushukisha ubuhendabana maze bakarushora mu mibonano mpuzabitsina. Ubu bushake buke bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina ku ruhande rw’umugore ni byo mu Kinyarwanda bita intinyi. Benshi bakunze gukoresha iri jambo intinyi baryitiranya no kugira isoni cyangwa se gutinya uwo mudahuje igitsina bikunze kugaragara mu rubyiruko rutangiye kwiga gukunda.

Akenshi abagore bamwe bashobora kugira ubushake buke bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina ndetse bamwe bakanabizinukwa cyangwa se hakaba n’abagendera kure ikiganiro cyangwa ibikorwa byose mbanzirizamibonano nko gukorakorwa ari bo babandi ukoraho bakakwamaganira kure kubera kubura ibyiyumvo byabatera akanyabugabo ko gutera akabariro. Kenshi wumva babavugiraho neza “bati barwaye intinyi bazakubitwe amatovu”.

Hari abandi bubatse bahebera urwaje ku bw’igitinyiro n’inkeke y’abagabo babo bemera bagahebera urwaje bagakora iyo mibonano ariko bitabarimo na mba. Ntibashimisha abo bakorana iki gikorwa ndetse na bo ubwabo nta munezero na mba bakuramo bikaba byanabakururira indwara z’imyanya myibarukiro ziterwa no kutagera ku ndunduro y’ibyishimo by’imibonano mpuzabitsina.

Zimwe mu mpamvu zitera kugira intinyi cyangwa se kugira ubukonje mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina ku mugore zishingiye ku byiyumvo (emotions) harimo kuba umukobwa yarigeze kugira ihungabana riturutse ku mibonano mpuzabitsina yakorewe atabishaka nko gufatwa ku ngufu, kuba yaba yarakoranye imibonano mpuzabitsina n’uwo bahuje isano ya hafi ari byo mu Kinyarwanda bita amahano, kuba yarigeze gutwita atabishaka cyangwa se gukuramo inda.

Izi mpamvu zikomoka ku byiyumvo by’umugore zatuma atishimira na mba imibonano mpuzabitsina hari ukuba atibona na gato muwo bakorana imibonano mpuzabitsina. Na none itandukana ry’ababyeyi rishobora guhungabanya umwana w’umukobwa ku buryo mu mikurire ye akura yanga urunuka imibonano mpuzabitsina kubera ibyo aba yarabonye.

Indi mpamvu nyamukuru ituma ibizongamubiri bitera umugore kwibona mu gikorwa cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina bizimira hari ukubura kw’ikiganiro cyane cyane igihe hari amakimbirane cyangwa ibibazo hagati y’umugabo n’umugore bitarakemuka.
Uburere abana bahabwa butuma ibijyanye n’ubuzima bw’imyororokere harimo n’ imibonano mpuzabitsina bigirwa ubwiru cyangwa se bigafatwa nk’umwanda cyangwa hamwe bikitwa se ibiterasoni nabyo biri mu bishobora gutuma bamwe mu bagore bagira intinyi igihe cyose bari mu gikorwa cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina. Ni kimwe no kutagirana umubano wimbitse hagati y’abashakanye cyangwa se inshuti bishingiye ku miziro cyangwa imihango imwe n’imwe ifata imibonano mpuzabitsina nk’ikizira n’imico cyangwa imyizerere ishingiye ku iyobukamana ifata iki gikorwa nk’ikizira cyangwa se ibishitani nk’uko bikunzwe kuvugwa na bamwe mu Rwanda nabyo biri mubituma bamwe mu bagore batinya iki gikorwa ndetse n’igihe bagikoze ntibacyishimire kubera ko baba bumva bakoze ibidakorwa cyangwa bakabifata nk’igicumuro ku witeka kabone yemwe niyo baba barashyingiwe.

Abagore bakunze kugira agahinda gasaze (depression), guhangayika cyangwa umunaniro ukabije (stress) ndetse no guhararukwa abo babana bibatera kugira intinyi. Ku bubatse, iyo umugabo akunze kugira ingeso zitari nziza zo guhoza ku nkeke umufasha we, cyangwa se akanamuca inyuma n’izindi zitari nziza zo kutita ku muryango we bigabanya umushyikirano no kuryoherwa umugore yagiraga mu mugabo we bityo akagenda amuzinukwa kugeza n’ubwo yumva atamushaka.

Na none aho iki gikorwa kibera bishobora gutuma umugore yumva atisanzuye bityo ntagire ubushaken’ibyiyumvo byo kubyibonamo cyane cyane iyo aho bikorerwa ari hafi y’icyumba cya nyirabukwe ku babana nabo cyangwa se hari ibindi bibabuza ubwisanzure. Abagore bamwe badacana uwaka na ba sebukwe na bo bibagabaniriza ibizongamubiri (Sentiments) n’ibyiyumvo bityo ntibagire ipfa n’ubushake bwo guhuza urugwiro n’abagabo babo.

Hari kandi abatinya kuba batwita batabiteganyaga, kwandura indwara zandurirwa mu mibonano mpuzabitsina cyangwa se bakisuzugura ntibiyigirire icyizeremu bijyanye n’imibonano mpuzabitsina bityo ugasanga bagira iki kibazo.


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